I don't even know where to start, other than to say, "Man, I have really neglected my writing here." It's true, I wish I could say, "I've been so busy!" or "Life sure has been hectic lately!" It hasn't been. At all. Life has been normal and fine. I've just been incredibly lazy about writing on this thing.
What I have been doing, however, is a lot of thinking after going to several doctor appointments and going through a three hour glucose test. Turns out that despite dropping 60 points and my 3 month sugars actually going from 6.2 down to 5.0, my fasting glucose has gotten worse. I asked my doctor how this is possible since March since I've gone down in weight, added exercise to my daily routine and improved my diet drastically and she says she doesn't know.
My therapist hinted it was something I was doing. I think she might have insinuated that I've been cheating with my foods. How is that possible? I have been losing weight! That kind of made me angry, but whatever. I'm over it, because I know I haven't been. Hell, since the 3 hour glucose test, and being put on another medication, I have swapped out foods to reduce my carb intake further so I can make sure I am eating my healthiest.
Some of these things were instead of honey ham I've switched to baked ham, instead of honey wheat bread I've switched to whole wheat bread. I don't use sugar anymore, but I wasn't using sugar anyway. I switched to sugar substitute a while back. I haven't drank sodas in who knows how long. Not even diet sodas. It's either water or crystal light.
But with these recent health issues, including the fact that I had that cellulitis problem for over a month requiring 2 antibiotics to combat (one cycle over three weeks long), I've come to a decision to go ahead with the gastric bypass surgery. Though this decision was not made lightly and it was made with the help of my husband's input, I felt that in the end it was far better for my heath that I do this.
Today I had therapy with my cognitive behavioral therapist and we discussed this. While she felt that my reasons for the decision were good, I wasn't where I needed to be to have the surgery. I didn't agree with her and when she asked what time frame I was looking at for the surgery and I said the next three months, she definitely felt that I was pushing myself despite the fact that I haven't binged in so long I can't even remember and that I no longer over eat.
Honestly, I cried. I was angry to hear this. But I don't want to trip up after the surgery if I'm really not ready and hurt myself by binging. So we're going to go ahead and continue to work on what we need to in therapy so I can get where I need to be so I can have a successful surgery and be healthy afterward. That's what I want.
In the meantime, I'm going to go ahead and continue with my exercise, weight loss and eating healthy like nothing has changed. There is no reason to give any of that up because that is a lifestyle change that I intend to keep forever. Those all feel good anyway, and I like the way I feel with those changes.
