Super Update!

I haven't updated in ages.  First off, my computer died.  Thankfully, I've been able to use my husband's computer.  So I hop on every now and then to do the basic computer-type things.

Second, I have been stuck at about 405-409lbs forever.  I really dislike hitting plateaus!!!  They are so frustrating, I have to tell you.  So this morning I decided to add some more exercise to my routine.  I went to bed at 10:30 and got out of bed at 5:30.  I came downstairs and I did some stretching then got on the treadmill and did some running.  Now running, I only did 1.5 minutes of and stopped.  That's ok with me, because when I use to not be able to walk, I only started out at about a minute and now I can walk everywhere!  So, babysteps.  This is my first day and I am not dissapointed.

So good things have happened since my last post.  In November, I went to Georgia to visit my friend Jamie who I haven't seen since 2008.  While I was there, we went to the grocery store so I could pick up some food to eat.  That was my first walk around a store since I had lost all that weight and it was, for me, exciting.  I hadn't walked around a grocery store, or any kind of store, in a long time.  Well over a year, maybe even two years.  Very thrilling.  I loved it.  My legs held up great!  My back hurt when we left, but that's to be expected.

Back here at home, we have a screen enclosed porch attached to the back of the unit we live in on base housing.  We haven't used it since moving in years ago so it was dirty and had spiders and webs.  Well, since becoming friends with my neighbors, who used theirs, I really wanted to clean mine out and buy some chairs and a table for it to hang out in.  My neighbor, Courtney, lent me her hose and I washed it out by myself.  It took about 40 minutes or so and I got it all cleaned out.  It looked great and I felt really proud of myself for doing it.  My husband helped me clean the mold off the paneling and wood, mostly because I'm short and couldn't reach it all by myself, haha!

After that, we went to Walmart together and we picked out a nice metal and glass table and two canvas chairs for the enclosed space.  I love it.  It looks fantastic and I completed that project and did shopping for it.  I really feel good about doing these things.

Thanksgiving went well!  My husband, son and I spent our Thanksgiving with our friends.  Everyone brought a dish and we all ate together.  I had never done anything like that and it was so wonderful.  I had a great time and I didn't feel weird about eating around people.  I didn't feel like people were staring at me either.  Also, I didn't over eat at all and I didn't feel the need to stack up my plate with food.

Therapy is going well.  I've been working on the issues I need to, to have the surgery.  But recently I found out that my Nana (my mother's mother) had thyroid problems, and my mother just had her thyroid removed and this issue has come up with my doctor as well.  Due due my hair loss, my facial hair growth, my polycystic overies and some bloodwork issues I'll have to see an endocrynologyst before considering surgery.  This is ok though, because if there are issues with my body, I want them taken care of so I can be healthy, especially if this means that I don't need to have surgery.  In the meantime, I am not giving up on my healthy eating and exercise.

Another exciting event for me was moving from sleeping on the couch to sleeping in my bed again with my husband.  For a long time, because of my weight, I wasn't able to sleep in my bed.  It was too painful on my knees, neck, back and stomach.  Now I can sleep in the bed once more.  It's great.  I get a much better night sleep than I ever did on the couch.  The couch was actually starting to cause me severe discomfort.  It's also good to be back in the bed with my husband.  I hadn't slept with him for years.

My husband and I also went out on a date recently!  I haven't been out on a date with him in ages.  Mostly because I have issues about eating in public.  We decided to go to a buffet for lunch which I was concerned about, not because of eating in front of people, but because it was a buffet that does Chinese, Japanese, American, Hibachi and Sushi.  I haven't binged in well over 8 months but I do still over eat sometimes. 

I feel I did great though.  The only fied food I had was pork fried rice and because I always measure my food at home, I'm pretty good at eyeballing my servings and I gave myself about 1/4 cup of that.  I didn't even fill my plate and I only made one trip.  I did lots of vegetables and their vegetables were great there!  They weren't soggy at all, lots of crisp veggies.  Though I stayed away from most of the stuff that was in sauces due to high sodium.  The best part of the meal for me though was the sushi, which is my favorite.  I had four pieces (they were smaller than the sizes of a American quarters).  To drink I had water, which is what I always drink at home.

When I left the resteraunt, I felt full and not like I was going to die from having stuffed myself which was a good feeling so I was proud of how well I did at the buffet.  So that was the first time I had eaten out since 2008, which was also the last time I was with Jamie.  She and I had gone out to Applebees when she came to visit.

So that's what's happened since my last update.  I'm sure there has been more I've left out, but I'll try to update again before Christmas.  There is a lot going on, both my mother and my husband's are coming to visit so we have to get the house ready.  Looking forward to that.  Also have a Christmas party on the 17th!  I can't believe I'm going to a Christmas party!  This is a big deal for me, because I never use to socialize and now I have friends.  I'm sure I'll write about it.

Progress & Change

Ok, my expectations were far too high and I did not meet my goal.  But that's ok, because I'm not unhappy!  I'm still down a significant amount of weight and I'm super thrilled.  I'm in high spirits and feeling fantastic. 

I've noticed a change in the muscles in my legs this week from all the walking I've been doing.  Not only can I walk faster, but I can go a bit further without needing to rest.  This is really exciting, because I feel that it wont be much longer that I can go around the block without too much trouble.  I never would have though years ago that there would be a time in my life that walking around the block would be a challenge, but here I am. 

I've had no food issues in a long time.  I can't even recall without looking back on old entries (and I don't want to) when I last had trouble with binging.  I think that says something about both proper medication and self control.  I'm proud of how far I've come since starting my cognitive behavioral therapy in March. 

My next therapy session is on Thursday and I am really looking forward to seeing my therapist.  My last appointment with her was last month because of that crazy time in the beginning of this month with the military.  Had to hold off on seeing her until we got things settled.  I really can't wait to tell her about everything going on.

I bought my guitar this week.  It will arrive sometime within the next two weeks.  I special ordered it from The Musician's Friend.  It was more exciting and scary than it was purchasing my first car as a teenager.  To have music in my life again is going to be amazing.  It hasn't been since I was a teenager that I've really played an instrument.  I look forward to this.  Once I have the instrument, I'm going to find myself an instructor and get lessons.  I wont be doing this halfheartedly.  I really want to learn.

I don't foresee any major events in the future that could create any real major anxiety or binge eating situations.  I know I will eventually have to move to the new base and I've got that pretty much under control.  This house is clean and I'm staying on top of it, ready for the move when it comes so short of something completely out of left field at this point I'm just about ready for anything.

I say, bring it on!

Staying On Track

Thursday was great.  I did what I said I would do and walked Bradley to the bus stop and back home again.  Felt a little easier and I will continue to do this daily as long as it doesn't rain.  Unfortunately the bus stop doesn't have any kind of protective cover, so I wouldn't want him standing out in the rain, even with an umbrella.  Though I don't think there is any chance of rain any time soon, so no worries there.

I came home and cleaned up, keeping on top of my chores.  It's nice to be able to have the energy to do these kinds of things now which I can attribute to both a combination of new medication, strength from moving around more, an easier time moving around from weight loss and increased energy. 

Now I need to start focusing on things I want to work on next.  I need some new goals.  It's great that I've started walking Bradley down to the bus stop and have been able to start keeping up on my house and getting things in order, but now I need to start adding more things to the list of responsibilities that I'd like to be able to do again.  I'm not sure what those are.  I think my task for this weekend for myself will be to think about it.  I don't want to overwhelm myself, so maybe for now it will just be one or two small things.

Whatever it is, I just want to make sure that I don't allow myself to get comfortable and become stagnant water.  I must continue to improve by pushing my limits and I am ready to do that now.  We'll see what I come up with over the weekend.  Enjoy yours and see you next week!

Things Didn't Go Quite As Planned

Tuesday night I got a little excited and tried to do too many things.  Now, I have been sleeping on my couch for about two years or possibly longer.  The bed causes me severe pain in my knees, hips, along my spine, shoulders and neck.  This only became a problem as I started reaching around 400lbs or so.  I found relief with the couch, which is how I ended up there.

Since I'm nearly down to 400lbs again, I thought I would give the bed a try.  I miss my husband at night!  I brought everything upstairs and went to sleep.  Every two hours I was waking up, trying to find a new position that would allow me to be in less pain and fall asleep again.  I popped some ibuprofen to get some relief from the constant pain that I was experiencing by 2 a.m.  By 4 a.m. I am awake once again and I sat up, the pain was unbearable.  That was it, I was near tears and I just couldn't sleep anymore.

My husband helped me get back downstairs which was a real challenge, my hip felt like it kept locking and my knees did not want to bend right.  Back on the couch offered little relief and I was not able to fall back to sleep until around 7 a.m.  Needless to say, I did not get to walk Bradley down to the bus stop Wednesday morning.

I was a little mad about that whole thing, because I was actually looking forward to making that part of my morning routine.  The good news is, that by the early afternoon and another dose of ibuprofen, I was finally rid of the pain and back to moving around normally.  I feel good again!  Thursday morning I will be getting my child to the bus stop by walking him down there.  While I'm excited about it, I'm sure my little one will be pointing to the garage, reminding me about the car and whining about it being hot.

It's just one a day, Little Man, if I can do it, you can do it!

You Want Me To Do What With My Feet?

So Tuesday morning my husband had to leave at 5 a.m. for P.T.  He usually goes, does his morning workout then comes home in time to get my son to the bus stop which is down the street from the house.  It's within walking distance but North Carolina heat is unforgiving, even at 6:30 a.m. So, he drives the kiddo down there and they wait in the air conditioned car until the bus arrives anywhere between 6:38 - 7:00.  Thanks for keeping a reliable schedule city school district!

Well, as usual, I had gotten my little monster up and dressed and we were waiting for my husband to get home and I casually looked at the clock only to notice it was 6:29.  Panic mode!  I had to now walk my child down to the bus stop which I had never done and did not know if I was physically capable of doing. 

After convincing my child that dad was not there nor was the car, we started walking down the street to the bus stop.  I honestly can't tell you how far it is. I pass four housing units at least, which tells you absolutely nothing.  I was fine until about the last 50 feet or so from the bus stop, then my lower back and back of my legs were on fire.  Thankfully, I made it and sat my butt on the curb and read Bradley a book until the bus arrived. 

When it left, I walked home and was doing great until right about when I reached my driveway and experienced that same pain as before.  Not a big deal since I was right there and could go inside and rest before starting my house cleaning.  I spent most of the day contemplating doing it again tomorrow. 

Now, it wasn't pleasant discovering that I could walk that far at the last moment so I could get the kiddo on the bus, but it was exciting to be able to do it.  I am going to go ahead and make it a daily routine now.  Every morning I will walk my child down to the bus stop.  The only thing stopping me from picking him up is the temperature in the afternoon.  During the summer months we frequently have daily heat warnings to stay indoors which is just crazy so I'll wait until the weather cools to add afternoon walks.

Hopefully, after a couple weeks of doing this, it will build up the muscles in my legs and lower back so that short distance wont hurt as much and it'll help burn some more calories than just house cleaning alone will do.  Then maybe a walk around the block will be in my future?  I'm feeling optimistic about that!

Dear Pants, It's Not You, It's Me

It is with great joy that I can say that my current pants are becoming a real pain in the ass to have to wear.  I keep having to pull them up to keep them on.  One pair, I completely can't even wear anymore because after a few steps they fall down to my knees.  Terribly embarrassing if I were to wear them outside of the house.

So I'm really looking forward to picking up some new pants one size smaller.  I'm not ready to go a size smaller in shirts yet, weird how that works, but that's alright because I know I'm going to get there.  How exciting it is for me to me going down a size though!  This is a first for me in about 15 or more years. 

On a side note, I just want to say that I'm healing really well.  I've stuck to my antibiotics (like I should be doing) and those should be finished up on Monday or Tuesday I think.  Leg is feeling better but at my follow up on Friday the doctor told me to continue to take it easy over the weekend.  I'm getting antsy, but I am going to play it safe and just wait until the antibiotics are finished up before I start using my electric peddler again and start stressing those leg muscles.

Feeling really good emotionally and physically right now and looking forward to therapy soon.