Super Update!

I haven't updated in ages.  First off, my computer died.  Thankfully, I've been able to use my husband's computer.  So I hop on every now and then to do the basic computer-type things.

Second, I have been stuck at about 405-409lbs forever.  I really dislike hitting plateaus!!!  They are so frustrating, I have to tell you.  So this morning I decided to add some more exercise to my routine.  I went to bed at 10:30 and got out of bed at 5:30.  I came downstairs and I did some stretching then got on the treadmill and did some running.  Now running, I only did 1.5 minutes of and stopped.  That's ok with me, because when I use to not be able to walk, I only started out at about a minute and now I can walk everywhere!  So, babysteps.  This is my first day and I am not dissapointed.

So good things have happened since my last post.  In November, I went to Georgia to visit my friend Jamie who I haven't seen since 2008.  While I was there, we went to the grocery store so I could pick up some food to eat.  That was my first walk around a store since I had lost all that weight and it was, for me, exciting.  I hadn't walked around a grocery store, or any kind of store, in a long time.  Well over a year, maybe even two years.  Very thrilling.  I loved it.  My legs held up great!  My back hurt when we left, but that's to be expected.

Back here at home, we have a screen enclosed porch attached to the back of the unit we live in on base housing.  We haven't used it since moving in years ago so it was dirty and had spiders and webs.  Well, since becoming friends with my neighbors, who used theirs, I really wanted to clean mine out and buy some chairs and a table for it to hang out in.  My neighbor, Courtney, lent me her hose and I washed it out by myself.  It took about 40 minutes or so and I got it all cleaned out.  It looked great and I felt really proud of myself for doing it.  My husband helped me clean the mold off the paneling and wood, mostly because I'm short and couldn't reach it all by myself, haha!

After that, we went to Walmart together and we picked out a nice metal and glass table and two canvas chairs for the enclosed space.  I love it.  It looks fantastic and I completed that project and did shopping for it.  I really feel good about doing these things.

Thanksgiving went well!  My husband, son and I spent our Thanksgiving with our friends.  Everyone brought a dish and we all ate together.  I had never done anything like that and it was so wonderful.  I had a great time and I didn't feel weird about eating around people.  I didn't feel like people were staring at me either.  Also, I didn't over eat at all and I didn't feel the need to stack up my plate with food.

Therapy is going well.  I've been working on the issues I need to, to have the surgery.  But recently I found out that my Nana (my mother's mother) had thyroid problems, and my mother just had her thyroid removed and this issue has come up with my doctor as well.  Due due my hair loss, my facial hair growth, my polycystic overies and some bloodwork issues I'll have to see an endocrynologyst before considering surgery.  This is ok though, because if there are issues with my body, I want them taken care of so I can be healthy, especially if this means that I don't need to have surgery.  In the meantime, I am not giving up on my healthy eating and exercise.

Another exciting event for me was moving from sleeping on the couch to sleeping in my bed again with my husband.  For a long time, because of my weight, I wasn't able to sleep in my bed.  It was too painful on my knees, neck, back and stomach.  Now I can sleep in the bed once more.  It's great.  I get a much better night sleep than I ever did on the couch.  The couch was actually starting to cause me severe discomfort.  It's also good to be back in the bed with my husband.  I hadn't slept with him for years.

My husband and I also went out on a date recently!  I haven't been out on a date with him in ages.  Mostly because I have issues about eating in public.  We decided to go to a buffet for lunch which I was concerned about, not because of eating in front of people, but because it was a buffet that does Chinese, Japanese, American, Hibachi and Sushi.  I haven't binged in well over 8 months but I do still over eat sometimes. 

I feel I did great though.  The only fied food I had was pork fried rice and because I always measure my food at home, I'm pretty good at eyeballing my servings and I gave myself about 1/4 cup of that.  I didn't even fill my plate and I only made one trip.  I did lots of vegetables and their vegetables were great there!  They weren't soggy at all, lots of crisp veggies.  Though I stayed away from most of the stuff that was in sauces due to high sodium.  The best part of the meal for me though was the sushi, which is my favorite.  I had four pieces (they were smaller than the sizes of a American quarters).  To drink I had water, which is what I always drink at home.

When I left the resteraunt, I felt full and not like I was going to die from having stuffed myself which was a good feeling so I was proud of how well I did at the buffet.  So that was the first time I had eaten out since 2008, which was also the last time I was with Jamie.  She and I had gone out to Applebees when she came to visit.

So that's what's happened since my last update.  I'm sure there has been more I've left out, but I'll try to update again before Christmas.  There is a lot going on, both my mother and my husband's are coming to visit so we have to get the house ready.  Looking forward to that.  Also have a Christmas party on the 17th!  I can't believe I'm going to a Christmas party!  This is a big deal for me, because I never use to socialize and now I have friends.  I'm sure I'll write about it.

Feeling Good

Stress free!  Surprising, right?  Well, the military has moved my husband's job to a base about an hour away and until we get housing there we can stay in housing where we are until then and that means that my son can continue at the school he is in until we move which take a huge load off my mind. This also means no stress about moving!

We had our carpets cleaned anyway and I've been keeping up on the house so it still looks gorgeous.  I've been feeling good about the way things are going here and I haven't binged at all this entire time and I'm really proud of myself for that.

Sadly I have not ate healthy this entire time, haven't written a thing in my food diary and have lost no weight.  I haven't gained, either, but it's time to get my rear end back on track with health eating and I am going to start that today as I have made a promise to myself to do that.

My doctor has put me on some really great medications for my mood disorder and I am finally feeling the full affects of them after about two months.  It's wonderful.  Life is different when you don't have an underlying feeling of constant depression.  I can think more clearly and I can understand what it means to love myself.  With all honesty I can absolutely say that I do.

Last Friday I went out and had my hair done.  I had it cut and put some blond highlights in.  Afterward, I picked up a new pair of tweezers, some nail polish and some new shampoo then came home and took care of the caterpillars on my face that could only be described as my eyebrows.  Following that, I polished my nails and it made me feel like a million dollars. 

It as during a conversation I had with a friend that she said, "It's amazing how we feel when our medication works, isn't it?"  Yes.  Yes it is.

It's also let me decide on other things that I've always wanted to do that I just have either put off, or felt like I couldn't do because I felt like I was too fat or maybe because I was too depressed due to my mood disorder.  The first being guitar lessons.  I have always been interested in playing guitar, ever since I was a teenager.  Growing up, I've taken music lessons for instruments of all kinds.  I played percussion (drums) throughout middle school and high school along with violin, flute, trumpet and french horn (none which I can play any longer because I simply do not remember except for percussion since I played that the longest).

The second being I've always wanted to get my lip pierced.  I'm going to do it, because I have wanted it done since I was about twenty or so and just haven't.  That way more than ten years and I figure if I've wanted something for that long, than it's isn't some passing fancy.  Plus, it's something I can remove later in life if I do outgrow it.  I was considering a microdermal implant, but considering how permanent it is, that I might not go with.

The last will be a tattoo, but that will wait until I get the weight off which wont be for many more years.  Well, perhaps one to two years?  I hope it wont be more than that.  I do have a long way to go, this is true, but I am going down, not up and I am determined to stick with this.  I have wanted a tattoo since I was a teenager.  Another body modification that has not gone away.  I actually want two.  One of a dragon, as I was born year of the dragon and another of a goat for my son, as he was born year of the goat.  I know, a goat, right?  That one, I will reconsider to something more tasteful to represent him.  I have time, like I said, the weight needs to come off, first.

I will admit that recently I have been reconsidering the gastric bypass surgery, especially with the recent health issues I've had with the cellulitis.  I have an appointment with my primary physician on Friday to get my blood work results to see what my status is for the potential for Type II Diabetes.  Obviously with my weight I am high risk, but at least it is something that will be controlled with medication and once the weight goes down, be corrected again.

I know I let myself be crippled by food for a long time in my life, but I am just not going to allow that to continue to happen.  Whatever I need to do to get everything taken care of, I will.  So, the surgery is just a thought right now.  I'm not jumping on that, I'm just thinking about it.  I do have to see the surgery again soon anyway for a review of what I've been doing, since he was the one that put my surgery on hold in the first place so I would start seeing the therapist for the eating disorder and such.  I still don't want to cut up my insides and I just might not have to.

I wont rush into any decisions right now.

"Clean ALL the things!"

First, I have to point out that my title is blatantly stolen from a blogger that I enjoy reading, Hyperbole and a Half.  The particular strip I borrowed it from makes me laugh and I use it as a pick-me-up when I'm feeling overwhelmed from the stuff.  You know what the stuff is.

Life is the stuff.  Recently though, the stuff hasn't been getting me down quiet as badly as it has been.  Maybe it's because I'm almost at the 50lbs mark for weight loss and it's easier to move around.  It could be that I feel good about myself for sticking to this or for learning about what triggers things like binge eating and for getting off my butt and doing something about my issues that led to being this big.  Maybe it's a combination of all of the above.

The motivation doesn't just end at working on myself though.  You should see my house!  Every day since Sunday I have been working on a small area of the house, completely cleaning it from top to bottom.  It's like I just moved in.  It's been neglected for so long because I just 1) couldn't get motivated to move and 2) even if I had any energy to move, my weight was stopping me. 

In the beginning, I would constantly question myself, when would I noticed a change in how I feel?  It wasn't until I started exercising that I noticed any real change.  Exercising improved my mood, gave me more energy, made my legs stronger and in return I was able to do more, such as stand for longer periods of time and walk further.  Those things made me feel good, especially the standing and the walking, since I couldn't do those for more than a few steps or a few moments in the beginning.

Ok, now I'm not suddenly some fitness buff.  I'm not working out for hours a day.  Right now I'm replacing my exercising with some severe house cleaning and my dietitian said when I saw her on Wednesday, that was good because I was still moving around and I'm actually cleaning house a lot longer than I would be just exercising.  Don't think house cleaning doesn't raise my heart rate or break a sweat.  I am scrubbing floors and walls and running the vacuum and breaking a sweat.  Ew.

Anyway, I feel like I might have gotten a bit off track here.  I'm losing weight, I'm more motivated because I've lost weight, losing weight and weigh less.  Speaking of being motivated, I'm getting antsy here and I really need to go get some vacuuming done.  The house doesn't clean itself and the dog hair on the stairs is waiting.  In fact, I'm pretty sure those clumps of hair have been there long enough that they may have formed into sentient life forms.  I believe they're voting on a President this week.  Better go nip that in the bud.