Feeling Good

Stress free!  Surprising, right?  Well, the military has moved my husband's job to a base about an hour away and until we get housing there we can stay in housing where we are until then and that means that my son can continue at the school he is in until we move which take a huge load off my mind. This also means no stress about moving!

We had our carpets cleaned anyway and I've been keeping up on the house so it still looks gorgeous.  I've been feeling good about the way things are going here and I haven't binged at all this entire time and I'm really proud of myself for that.

Sadly I have not ate healthy this entire time, haven't written a thing in my food diary and have lost no weight.  I haven't gained, either, but it's time to get my rear end back on track with health eating and I am going to start that today as I have made a promise to myself to do that.

My doctor has put me on some really great medications for my mood disorder and I am finally feeling the full affects of them after about two months.  It's wonderful.  Life is different when you don't have an underlying feeling of constant depression.  I can think more clearly and I can understand what it means to love myself.  With all honesty I can absolutely say that I do.

Last Friday I went out and had my hair done.  I had it cut and put some blond highlights in.  Afterward, I picked up a new pair of tweezers, some nail polish and some new shampoo then came home and took care of the caterpillars on my face that could only be described as my eyebrows.  Following that, I polished my nails and it made me feel like a million dollars. 

It as during a conversation I had with a friend that she said, "It's amazing how we feel when our medication works, isn't it?"  Yes.  Yes it is.

It's also let me decide on other things that I've always wanted to do that I just have either put off, or felt like I couldn't do because I felt like I was too fat or maybe because I was too depressed due to my mood disorder.  The first being guitar lessons.  I have always been interested in playing guitar, ever since I was a teenager.  Growing up, I've taken music lessons for instruments of all kinds.  I played percussion (drums) throughout middle school and high school along with violin, flute, trumpet and french horn (none which I can play any longer because I simply do not remember except for percussion since I played that the longest).

The second being I've always wanted to get my lip pierced.  I'm going to do it, because I have wanted it done since I was about twenty or so and just haven't.  That way more than ten years and I figure if I've wanted something for that long, than it's isn't some passing fancy.  Plus, it's something I can remove later in life if I do outgrow it.  I was considering a microdermal implant, but considering how permanent it is, that I might not go with.

The last will be a tattoo, but that will wait until I get the weight off which wont be for many more years.  Well, perhaps one to two years?  I hope it wont be more than that.  I do have a long way to go, this is true, but I am going down, not up and I am determined to stick with this.  I have wanted a tattoo since I was a teenager.  Another body modification that has not gone away.  I actually want two.  One of a dragon, as I was born year of the dragon and another of a goat for my son, as he was born year of the goat.  I know, a goat, right?  That one, I will reconsider to something more tasteful to represent him.  I have time, like I said, the weight needs to come off, first.

I will admit that recently I have been reconsidering the gastric bypass surgery, especially with the recent health issues I've had with the cellulitis.  I have an appointment with my primary physician on Friday to get my blood work results to see what my status is for the potential for Type II Diabetes.  Obviously with my weight I am high risk, but at least it is something that will be controlled with medication and once the weight goes down, be corrected again.

I know I let myself be crippled by food for a long time in my life, but I am just not going to allow that to continue to happen.  Whatever I need to do to get everything taken care of, I will.  So, the surgery is just a thought right now.  I'm not jumping on that, I'm just thinking about it.  I do have to see the surgery again soon anyway for a review of what I've been doing, since he was the one that put my surgery on hold in the first place so I would start seeing the therapist for the eating disorder and such.  I still don't want to cut up my insides and I just might not have to.

I wont rush into any decisions right now.