The Blame Game

In my introduction post, I briefly mention how as a child, it was my parent's fault that I was chubby.  After all, it's the responsibility of the parent to teach us about nutrition, the importance of exercising and not overeating.  Unfortunately psychology then isn't what it is today and the study of mood disorders, emotional eating or eating disorders were likely still in their infancy.  Please understand I am not saying they were not known but I am saying that information probably wasn't common knowledge and my parents certainly wouldn't have had any information about them.


About my parents, there is just no way they could have known that using food to cheer up an upset child was going to create a problem down the road.  Years later, however, I'm stuck in this cycle of The Blame Game.  It's not their fault, but they supplied me with food when I was sad or depressed as a pick me up.  It became a constant crutch and then I started doing it on my own, so I'm mad at them for doing it, but they couldn't have known, but I wish they hadn't and I get angry at them for doing it.  I struggle with forgiving and letting go (a topic for another day).

The only thing good that came out of all of this was that when I had my child, I constantly worried over him becoming the fat kid.  I made sure I took him out to play frequently, I tried to get him to eat healthy and I used other positive ways to cheer him up instead of food.  Yes, I actually managed to do this without a therapist's advice years ago.  What I ended up with was an active child who had his father's metabolism who refuses to eat anything but pizza, chicken nuggets and fishsticks despite my introduction of other foods.

Unfortunately, it was a double-edged sword and I also became obsessive over my son's weight.  Never around my son, but to my husband I would constantly voice my concern that he was either 1 or 2 pounds underweight for his age or overweight for his age and my husband would have to bring me back down to Earth and remind me that he's healthy and active and a growing boy and that he is not overweight.

So now, I have added on to the list of things that need work:

• letting go of the past
• forgiving my parents
• stop playing the blame game
• stop obsessing over my child's weight (he's not fat)

Sometime in the future I will report back on that list, to remind myself how I'm doing in those areas.

Today is therapy day.  I'm looking forward to my appointment so I can discuss something shocking I've recently discovered about myself.  Losing weight sends me into panic mode.  I actually fear losing weight.  Hmm.  I'm not sure what to make of this.  We'll see what happens at my appointment.

Happy Friday!  See you next week.