Not long ago, a friend of mine started her process for the gastric bypass surgery and created a journal to document her progress. During her various appointments, she also encountered the dreaded "love yourself" talk which left her about as frustrated with people as it left me. However, something she was required to attend was a meeting for those who have had the surgery. While there, she spoke with someone who happened to share something extremely insightful.
You do love yourself, because here you are at this meeting and going through the process for the surgery so you can become healthy and improve the quality of your life. You might not like your body, but you love yourself.
I have to admit, when I read this in her journal I felt several things at once. First, I felt cheated. There should have been a spoiler warning so I could have chosen not to read that part. Unfortunately, life doesn't come with spoiler alerts so that just wasn't an option and really if this is accurate, it's just something I would have liked to figure out on my own.
Second, I was angry, because why couldn't my therapist just come out an tell me if that was really the case? This completely contradicts what I just said in my first reason, doesn't matter, thought processes are not always entirely rational! Sometimes I feel like she gets some sick joy out of watching me struggle in my therapy sessions (even though I know this isn't true).
Third, I became more than a little bit excited, hopeful and optimistic. Could it really be that simple? Because if it is, there are many things about me that I love. I absolutely do not like my body and some of the behaviors that got me this way, but I don't hate the parts of me that make up who I am. All those things I don't like? I'm working hard on changing those!
So, is it possible that I really do love myself? I feel both skeptical and positive that I do. I need to consider this more, which I will while I'm being motivated and cleaning the bathrooms today.
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