Putting Myself First

I wanted to take a moment to talk about something that I actually told myself I wouldn't talk about on this blog; my mood disorder.  I had been avoiding it, because I wanted this journal to be about my binge eating disorder, my weight loss and how I was dealing with all of it. 

I have, in past posts, briefly mentioned my mood disorder without going into any detail, but as time went on it's been increasingly more difficult not to mention it when talking about my binging episodes and how my mood disorder might be affected by it.  What I didn't really consider is that my mood disorder really does play a big part in all of this.

Having spent some time thinking about it over the weekend, I decided it probably wasn't a rare thing that people with eating disorders have some other underlying emotional issues to deal with.  It could be just something from the past that they might have to work out or, in my case, an actual chemical imbalance.  Whatever the case might be for them, or myself, it's there and it needs to be dealt with and addressed as part of the process to fix the overall problem.

So, while I'm maintaining my journal for my binge eating, I might occasionally mention something about my mood disorder.  I'm not going to go on and on about it, or make a big deal out of it because that's still not the point me maintaining this site, but it is a part of who I am so I'm not going to ignore it and pretend like it's not there and it's not a part of the problem.  Plus, I sometimes forget that I'm suppose to be doing this for myself above anyone else and I shouldn't leave anything out.

What I do want to say is that I don't whine about having a chemical imbalance any more than I do about having a binging problem or being obese.  I actively do something about my issues and take care of myself, even if sometimes it takes me a while to get my act together to do it.  I save all my whining for my therapist, because sometimes I need her to help me figure out which direction I'm suppose to be going in.  Though, damnit, she still makes me figure it out on my own most of the time. 

Anyway, my point is, I'm not going to neglect that part of me anymore, so feel free to skip those parts of my posts or just stop reading.  I'm not going to forget that this is for me and my benefit most of all.  I honestly don't even know what possessed me to exclude it in the beginning anyway or why I thought that it might be unrelated to what I was going through.