I don't usually gamble, because I know that I tend to have an addictive personality and get hooked on things easily. Even something as simple as Farmville. It was hard to give that game up. I needed a 12-step program for both it and for deleting my Facebook account.
All kidding aside, the one thing I wont risk taking chances on now, is my life. I mean, I've done that already with allowing myself to get the size that I currently am by having unresolved psych issues with the eating disorder that I didn't know existed. But I'm not going to continue to gamble with my life by jumping into something as risky as surgery.
Now, I'm actually not anti-surgery or anti-gastric bypass. I think that this is a remarkable way for someone to get healthy if they've been struggling with weight issues their whole life - if it is right for them. However, I just want to say do the research to make sure you know what you're getting into, which I've done for over two years.
As I've mentioned in the past, I've been looking into gastric bypass surgery for a long time and this is actually my second time going through the process to have the surgery done. The first time I passed the psych evaluation to have the procedure done but the second time I did not. This was a blessing in disguise, truly. I can't even imagine what would have happened to me if I had gone through with the surgery the first time after being approved and then had a binging episode. I likely could or would have died.
Not even considering that I may struggle with binging my whole life for a moment, let me just got over some of the other aspects of post-surgery that I have to worry about. There was the constant vitamin and mineral deficiency because of the amount of food I'd be restricted to which could possibly also lead to hair loss, anemia and bone loss. Other long term side effects could include ulcers, gallstones and bowel obstructions.
The short term side effects from the surgery are even more terrifying and include hernia, leaking, bleeding, abdominal pain, respiratory failure and my favorite: DEATH. Ok, to be fair, the death rate these days is down to %.01 or something very low and to continue to stay at my weight probably means I have a greater chance of dying from being obese by a certain age.
However, I have a child to think of and a husband I love, and this is why I am choosing the weight loss route and the therapy for my binge eating disorder to take care of my problem. Also, for those considering surgery if you happen to read this, don't let my decision not to have the surgery change your mind to not have it. These are my reasons and they're good for me. There are so many positive benefits from the surgery, too, and it gets you healthy and that's what's important. Remember, it's about making sure you're in a good place before you take that step.
So, with that said, I guess I have to say that I am choosing to bet on myself this time. Not the doctors. I've got everything riding on myself and the work I've done so far and the progress I've made. I don't think it's too early to be excited because I'm making good progress compared to attempts to lose weight in the past and recently I've been feeling proud of myself. I've never really felt proud of myself for this, but I'm giving it my all. I deserve to.
Hot damn, I'm on a roll here!
P.S. - It's good to see you again, Motivation. Perhaps a post about you tomorrow? I'm thinking maybe it's time.
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